Game Talk
by Lowar
Summary: Shepard and Garrus have been playing Dragon Age, and start discussing various things they like and dislike about the game and its characters. Hint of Shakarian.


Hey everyone! This fic was written as a request for the first reviewer of my first ME fic: CyanB (she's an excellent requester and you should have her request a fic from you)

This is only my second Mass Effect fic so please review, even if it's just to say you liked/disliked it. (though if you disliked it, please tell me why so I can improve.) And hey, you just might be the next person I ask for a request. ^_^

And now. on with the fic! (which I only own the plot of, not the original characters and settings. ^_^)

* * *

"Ugh! I've just about had it with this game!" growled Commander Jane Shepard, 1st human Spectre and captain of the single most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy, as she all but threw the antiquated game controller to the deck in frustration. It had been a few weeks since she had seen purchased Dragon Age: Origins from the Citadel's video game merchant, and while the game was quite fun and a good way to wind down from a mission, sometimes it really got on her nerves.

"That dragon beat you again?" Garrus asked from his screen where he was engaged in his own struggles with the game. He had been with Shepard when she bought the game and was intrigued by this old Earth take on fighting impossible odds to save a world. After purchasing his own copy, he'd recommended the main battery's work area as a good place to set up some large holo-screens for the games and his Commander had agreed eagerly. "I keep telling you it's going to take a lot more grinding before either of us can take it."

Shepard sighed in response. "No, it's not that, it's these relationship choices, they're infuriating! Especially the obvious one, Alistair, I can't even look at him anymore."

Garrus glanced away from his screen at this, confused. "Why? I mean, he's whiny, sure, but he doesn't seem too terribly ugly by human standards."

Shepard's eyes went wide for a second before she raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Garrus, Garrus, Garrus, didn't you know?" she asked, shaking her head solemnly "'Human standards,' as you put it, can vary greatly from human to human. "In fact," she continued, smirking "some would say mine are downright crazy." Before Garrus could recover enough to attempt a reply, and before she lost control and the very un-Commander-like thing of giggling at the look on his face, Shepard turned back to her screen and returned to the previous topic. "But it's not how good or bad looking he is, it's the fact that if I see him too often or for too long, he starts to look just like a darker-haired version of Conrad Verner."

Garrus blinked, breaking out of his stunned silence from Shepard's previous comments, and, since he was already at camp in his game, went to take a good look at Alistair. After a moment, he narrowed his eyes at Shepard's amused face. "Thanks a lot," he said, voice dripping sarcasm "I hope you realize I won't be able to un-see that."

"Aw, it's not so bad." The soothing tone of her voice made Garrus suspicious as she continued. "Well, until you combine that with the fact that he's the rightful heir to the throne, then yeah, it's pretty bad." She was grinning like… How did Joker put it? 'The cat that ate the binary'? That didn't seem right; he'd have to ask about it later. Suffice to say, her grin was huge and Garrus couldn't help but smile back.

"Although," he chuckled, "now that I think about it, the late King's gung-ho attitude towards fighting the darkspawn fits perfectly with our favorite idiot." Now he and Shepard both broke down into laughter.

"But seriously," Shepard said, still chuckling a bit, "Even if we put aside his looks, he's just too… too… vanilla for me, y'know?" The look on Garrus' face said that he, in fact, did not know. She slapped her forehead. "Right, right; dextro-chirality obviously has different flavor names that don't translate well." She took a breath and tried again. "What I mean is, he's too ordinary; I want someone more interesting for my character."

"Oh, I see. Gunning for Zevran, then?" The Turian leaned back casually as he continued. "I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you've recruited someone who tried to kill you, which you do quite well," he admitted, a little admiration in his voice, "but, to my knowledge, it would be the first time you've flirted with said recruit." He was smirking now. "Although, you may not have to; he seems to do enough flirting for the whole team."

Shepard laughed again. "I know, isn't it hilarious? My favorite was when he tried hitting on Morrigan. Just picturing his face: Priceless!"

"True, those were good ones, but my favorites were his talks with Wynne. I mean, no matter how hard she tries, he always brings it back to her b…" Garrus stopped when he saw the confused look Shepard was giving him. "What?"

"Who's Wynne?"

Now Garrus was confused. "Wynne's… Wynne." Seeing that this explanation didn't help, he tried to elaborate. "Older woman, healing mage?" Still nothing. "You recruit her in the Tower; she was the one holding that shield up to keep the abominations farther in the tower."

"Oh yeah, her!" Realization dawned in Shepard's eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a milder, inscrutable look. "Huh, I didn't realize you could recruit her."

Garrus remained confused. "But, if you didn't convince her to lower the shield and join you, how'd you get past her?"

Shepard became evasive at this. "Oh, you know, I just used the more… straightforward method." She fiddled with a lock of hair while she spoke, seemingly studying the bulkheads.

Garrus, former C-SEC Detective, slipped neatly into his old interrogation training for a moment as he locked his eyes on Shepard and waited patiently for her to grow tired of avoiding his gaze. She lasted about a minute. "What did you do, Shepard?"

There was a pause as Shepard held his gaze, then she glanced away. "I killed her," she shrugged.

That little statement shocked Garrus right out of detective mode. "You… you _what?_ Why? Her healing spells are invaluable in combat!"

Shepard was dismissive. "You forget I'm playing a mage; I've got some healing spells of my own."

"Fair point," he nodded "but did you have to kill her?"

"Well," she replied, holding up three fingers and counting them off "I told her we needed to go up the tower, she said she wouldn't let us, and then she attacked us." Another shrug. "She didn't really leave me with much choice."

Garrus frowned as his confusion deepened. "But that's so strange; she was perfectly cooperative with me… Wait." His mind had hit on a plausible explanation. "When you say you told her you needed to go up the tower…?"

Shepard looked at him sidelong, unable to stop the grin as she said "Well, I may have joked around a little, but her reaction was way out of proportion to my teasing."

"I know how she feels," he mumbled.

Now Shepard's eyes narrowed. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing." Garrus refocused on his screen. "So, all of Zevran's flirting aside, how was the romance?"

"It wasn't," she sighed. "I mean, I was going to pursue it, and at one point I even had the Antivan leather boots to give him, (after that whole thing he said about living near the tanners I figured that's the special gift you're supposed to give him) but a couple of things changed my mind."

Shepard hung her head and fell silent for a moment, which only made Garrus curious. "What things were these, exactly?"

"Remember those Antivan Boots I mentioned?" He nodded. "Yeah, well, I had saved right before getting them, but then didn't think to save again until after I had died, effectively erasing almost an hour of questing through that blasted forest," she finished glumly, thumping her head down on the workbench in regret.

Garrus winced. "I'm guessing you were unable to locate the boots a second time?" She nodded, which he couldn't help but smile at; it looked rather silly when she was facedown like that. "That's one reason," he said, trying to take her mind off such depressing things. "What was the other?"

Shepard brought her head back up, face thoughtful. "Well, after hearing the teasing banter between Leliana and him, I started thinking that they'd go well together." Seeing a confused look on Garrus' face, she shrugged "I know it's weird to get so sentimental over these characters on our screens, but I couldn't help it; they just seemed like they'd be such a nice couple that I didn't want to spoil the image in my mind."

Still looking confused, Garrus finally spoke up. "Who's Leliana?"

Shepard joined Garrus in his confusion. "Leliana's..." Her reply trailed off. She didn't want to repeat the way Garrus had described Wynne earlier, so she skipped to the informative part. "She's the bard, you know, the one you meet in Lothering's tavern?"

Garrus only looked more confused. "Lothering had a _tavern_?"

Shepard laughed. She couldn't help herself, really. It was just so randomly funny. "You… you mean to tell me," she said through her laughter "that the great detective, master sniper and infamous Archangel, bane of Omega and criminals everywhere, _the _one-and-only Garrus Vakarian, just plum _forgot_ to check the local bar for anything and anyone that might be useful?" Just hearing herself say it launched the Commander into another laughing fit, although she managed to stifle these ones down to giggles.

In an attempt to hide his embarrassment at this statement, Garrus waved a hand dismissively "Hey, we can't all share your obsession with side-quests, Shepard."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right, next you'll be telling me you left Sten behind." Garrus remained silent and Shepard's eyes widened in horror. "You didn't…"

"It wasn't on purpose," he defended weakly. "I hadn't taken coercion and I thought I'd just be able to come back after I'd leveled up."

"You didn't get the whole 'The darkspawn are coming, we need to get out of here' vibe that the whole village was giving off?"

"…No," Garrus admitted shamefaced, "no I didn't. I guess I was too preoccupied with the jobs they were all giving me; I was too focused on just leveling up and moving on."

"Well, at least you can admit your mistake," she said, patting him on the shoulder and smiling in encouragement. "That's the first step to learning from it."

He returned her smile before chuckling. "Well, I guess I finally know why your driving skills never improved."

"Hey!" Shepard slugged him in the shoulder. "I'll have you know I'm a great driver! When I step behind the wheel, it's like an old master tuning his instrument."

"Indeed," Garrus intoned, voice solemn but eyes laughing. "Like a senile, mentally unstable master with little regard for such trivial things as gravity."

She slugged him again, harder so she was sure he'd feel it through his ever-present armor. "Enough about my driving," she huffed. "It stinks that you left Sten behind; He's my favorite character in the game."

"Ah, so he's the lucky love interest," Garrus concluded, rubbing his shoulder less out of pain and more out of a desire to calm Shepard's driving pride.

"He would be," She sighed. Shooting him a not-quite-teasing smile, she added "I do seem to gravitate towards the tall, strong, stubborn ones, after all."

Shifting nervously in his seat, Garrus managed a quick reply. "'Would be'? Since when does anything stop you from going after something you want?"

Shepard let out a groaning sigh of frustration at his words. "Since whoever wrote this stupid game decided he wasn't going to be a romance option." Her head once more descended to the workbench, making her next words slightly muted. "Once you help him get his sword back and earn his respect, there isn't anything new to talk about with him. The best I've managed to find are Leliana's extra dialog moments with him; apparently he likes picking flowers and playing with kittens. But enough about my problems with the game," she said, raising her eyes to look at him. "Who are you romancing?"

"Morrigan," Garrus responded flatly, "and believe me, while the writers did make her a valid romance option, I would still have liked to have words with them."

Shepard's eyes brightened, her curiosity piqued for multiple reasons. "Why Morrigan?" she asked, settling on that for her first question.

"For one thing, due to my… rather unfortunate slights in Lothering, she's the only option I really have."

"What about Zevran?" Shepard interrupted, leering at Garrus. "I'm pretty sure he swings both ways."

Garrus rolled his eyes. "Sadly, it would seem I didn't make him feel as welcome as he wanted; I had to kill him when we ran into his crow friends and he turned on us."

"Aw," Shepard pouted. "Too bad."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it," he shot back sarcastically, earning him a pistol scope thrown at his head in mock offense. "Anyway," he continued, "even if there were other viable options, I think I still would've gone for her. She's opinionated and outspoken, not to mention dangerous, and even shy at times." He tilted his head at Shepard, feeling bold. "I find I quite like the combination."

She held his gaze for a moment before shifting her gaze away, unsuccessfully trying to hide her blush. Garrus smirked to himself, glad that he got her back for her comments earlier. Shepard distracted herself by continuing her questions. "So, if she's that great, why do you want to have words with the writers?"

Garrus sighed, his victorious feelings gone. "Well, when the relationship actually got started, the other characters were quick to express their disapproval, and that was annoying," he said, glaring at the screen, "but what really gets me is that, not too long after that, Morrigan herself starts saying that it's a bad idea and literally begs me to end the relationship!"

This made Shepard's jaw drop. "What? But… why? I mean, I can't even… Why?"

"I know! It doesn't make any sense to me, either. "Even if you grant that it's been…" he trailed off as he activated his omni-tool, sifting through a few screens before stopping at the one he wanted and continuing "180 years or so, did humans back then really want to put time and effort into something just to see it fall apart no matter what they did to try and stop it?" Garrus looked at Shepard, who shared his boggled, incredulous expression.

Finally, she shook her head. "Nah, I can't believe that; it's just a case of bad writing. Sure, they managed to write a lot of funny exchanges between characters, but it's obvious that, even if we gave them the 180 years since to practice, they couldn't write a good relationship to save their life." Glancing at her own omni-tool's clock, Shepard couldn't help but yawn. "We should stop for now, it's late."

Garrus nodded in agreement and moments later the pair left the forward battery. "What made you buy that game anyway?" Garrus asked as they passed through the Mess. "I mean, the merchant had plenty of other, more impressive looking games, so why Dragon Age?"

Shepard chuckled dryly. "To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure myself, it's just… Well, you know those darkspawn Ogres?" Garrus nodded. "Well, at first I was just curious when that Salarian said he had an old Earth video game, but when I saw the ogre in the trailer he showed us… I can't explain it, but I have this overwhelming feeling that I've seen it somewhere before."

Garrus blinked before replying. "I think you would remember lining up your crosshairs on one of those beasts," he said, chuckling "if for no other reason than to one-up Zaeed's storytelling one of these days."

Shepard also laughed. "Yeah, you're probably right Garrus," she said, smiling as they stepped into the elevator. "I guess my subconscious just knew it needed something fun to do to unwind sometimes."

"Hey, at least you picked a good one," he replied. "Character relation issues aside, of course."

"Yeah, no point dwelling on those; everyone responsible is long dead already."

"Good riddance. Last thing we need is another game by those people."

"Agreed."


End file.
